Friday, August 8, 2008

Absence Makes The Heart Atrophy

Hey to all of you out there still reluctantly checking my blog looking for an updated post. I do apologize for my lack of conviction in maintaining some sort of consistency in posting to this blog. I'm so impressed with those individuals out there who have the capacity to provide continued posts to their blogs. I am quite positive that I represent most who have great intentions and a romantic notion of what their blog will be. Again, I apologize for the seemingly endless hiatus.

The last several months, and especially weeks, have been shadowed with anticipation and preparation for the coming baby. Stacey and I have had a wonderful time planning for the arrival of our child. My wife and I have an amazing relationship and have always been enamored with each other, but I feel like the reality of becoming a more realized family has certainly created an even more intense love and admiration for each other. The thought of Stacey as a mother warms my heart more than you can imagine. She is such a beautiful person who is able to love so completely. Our child is certainly blessed to have such a mother. The house preparations are basically complete and the nursery is quite cute if you ask me. It is a sobering feeling when baby paraphernalia begins to crop up around your home. High chairs, bouncy seats and strollers definitely signal a new chapter in your life. I am excited, anxious, nervous and scared-to-death about the arrival of the baby. Our due date is August 12th, so we are in the final countdown. I posted an ultrasound pic earlier this year so I believe it is only appropriate to show you all the progress that we've made. The following is a 3D Ultrasound pic of the monkey:



The baby looks just like Stacey as a baby in the 3D Ultrasound pics. Lucky little monkey. Dad's a bit goofy looking. The outpouring of love from family and friends throughout this experience has been staggering. Stacey and I both fully realize how wonderful it is to have such awesome folks in our life. This child will not want for love, that's for sure.

In the meantime, Stacey is hanging out at home and resting up for the baby. We have to keep her distracted as to prevent her from getting so bored she could cry. So far, so good. Thank you all for reading. All three of you. Hopefully I'll be posting some big news soon. Until then, stay clean and keep the dream.

Take care,

Feb

Thursday, April 10, 2008

A Life Lived...




"I went to the woods because I wished to live deliberately, to front only the essential facts of life, and see if I could not learn what it had to teach, and not, when I come to die, discover that I had not lived. I did not wish to practice resignation, unless it was quite necessary. I wanted to live deep and suck out all the marrow of life, to live so sturdily and Spartan-like as to put to rout all that was not life..." Henry David Thoreau, Walden

I'm sure that most of you reading are familiar with the preceding passage from Thoreau. So many of us have often romanticized of Thoreau's experiences and oft wished to emulate them. There is a want inherent in each and every one of us to escape the confines of life and just live simply. Thoreau, often seen as the father of simplicity, also wrote the words "Simplify, simplify, simplify!". My good friend Eric Flanders and I often joke that just one simplify would have been suffice. The very act of stating simplify three times is an act of complexity. We'll save that conversation for another day. The contents of Walden have, since its writing, been the very core of many pilgrimages by peoples, both young and old, to distance themselves by escaping to nature and living out a true existence. The rationalization often sounds something like this, "He moved to the woods and lived in a simple cabin in order to find himself. That is so awesome!"

The reality of Thoreau's Walden experience is sobering and equally invigorating. Thoreau's cabin was located only one mile from the family home. Thoreau often had visitors and immensely enjoyed the company of others. His isolation was never real in the sense that we often try to think. Thoreau's isolation was symbolic and representative of his attempt to meet his real self. He understood the importance and necessity of human interaction. Thoreau also recognized the need to separate one's self from the distractions of government, society, religion, and culture. These ideas in themselves are not necessarily evils, but at the hands of contemporary culture, they are indeed forces to be reckoned with. Thoreau's example teaches that within the larger framework of life in Western culture, through introspection and relationships, we are able to create a better understanding for and of ourselves and more importantly for and of the world around us.

I think it is important to note that Thoreau's quest, like any, began with a decision. I recently heard it said that one of the most vital components of success is the making of a decision. Choice. Success is measured in as many ways as there are stars, but the catalyst remains the same, a decision. I'm reminded of one of my favorite poets, Robert Frost, and his timeless poem The Road Not Taken.

"I shall be telling this with a sigh
Somewhere ages and ages hence:
Two roads diverged in a wood, and I-
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference."

Frost's decision at the onset on the poem ultimately leads to a satisfaction found in his making the most relevant choice for his situation. Like Thoreau, Frost doesn't allow modern convention to influence his decision. The choice is made outside of the constraints of government, society, religion, and culture. Frost, like Thoreau, realized the importance of realizing the self but in his personal life realized the impact of relationships in understanding one's self. The ideologies set forth by these authors has made a tremendous impression on me this week. The meshing of seeking understanding through self actualization and through relationships is an idea that we often take for granted.

If you are still with me at this point, thanks for hearing me out. This has definitely been an exercise in thinking out loud. The point I'm trying to make in all this is the essential nature of seeking personal understanding through the filter of yourself and others. Isolation is simply not an option. I often find myself considering that as an option in trying to understand the larger picture. The challenge I'm presenting to myself is to be conscious of the moments that provide a glimpse into a deeper understanding of human nature within myself and more importantly through relationships. I'm resolving to choose to work towards a better "right now" through simplifying and getting back to the focus on human relationships.

I hope this post finds you all well and having a wonderful day. Please let me know what you're thinking. About anything. I look forward to talking to you all.

Take care,
Feb

By the way, I felt my first kick Tuesday night. I can't even begin to explain the enormity of that moment. I am truly a blessed man.

Monday, March 24, 2008

A Picture Is Worth...

I believe I grossly underestimated my ability to maintain a frequency worthy of return visits to my blog. This is significantly more difficult than I realized. With every idea for a blog post comes the fear of simply becoming another guy posting the mundane musings of his life for all to be bored by. I then remember how much I personally enjoy reading others' blogs and the cycle continues. I guess one man's mundane is another man's escape.

This morning started like any other. Stacey and I got up, had breakfast and some Green Magma and got the day started. We took it easy and hung out until our doctor's appointment at 10 am. We knew that this morning would be our first major ultrasound and were both anxious to get an idea how our child was faring. We showed up for our appointment and were pretty quickly ushered into the sonogram room. Before I could even gather my thoughts and wealth of emotions, I was presented with the following:



That's right. A real-time image of our baby right there on the flat screen. Nothing can prepare you for the first moment you see your child live and in action. Everything checked out fine. One head, two arms, two legs, ten fingers, ten toes, spinal cord, one heart, two kidneys, stomach, bladder, and a brain. At this point, great news. I feel a little guilty that when we were informed of the baby's current weight, 13 ounces, the first reference that popped into my head was the fact that my baby weighed about the same as a beer. I erased the guilt by reminding myself how much I love beer and that I probably loved the baby a bit more. That made me feel much better about being a Dad. Sometimes my logic amazes even me. Stacey handled it all like a champ as she normally does. I must admit I was a bit jealous of having someone rub warm jelly all over her tummy. It just seemed like it would feel kinda nice. Daddies need love too.

The realization that there is absolutely a little person growing inside my wife is mind-blowing. Today the full force of how much there is left to do hit me. I've really got to buckle down with school starting back up this week and help Stacey prepare for the arrival of Baby Boswell. Hopefully I'll be in better touch in the coming weeks. Thanks for reading and have an awesome day.

Take care,

Feb

By the way, we're not finding out the gender. Too little surprises left in life. May as well enjoy this one.

Wednesday, February 20, 2008

Advice From Cactus Ed

"Do not burn yourselves out. Be as I am - a reluctant enthusiast, a part time crusader, a half-hearted fanatic. Save the other half of yourselves and your lives for pleasure and adventure. It is not enough to fight for natural land and the west; it is even more important to enjoy it. While you can. While it's still there... Enjoy yourselves, keep your brain in your head and your head firmly attached to the body, the body active and alive, and I promise you this much: I promise you this one sweet victory over our enemies, over those desk-bound men with their hearts in a safe deposit box, and their eyes hypnotized by desk calculators. I promise you this: you will outlive the bastards."

-Ed Abbey

Tuesday, February 5, 2008

Run Log 2/4-2/5

I decided to go ahead and post runs whenever I can in order to cut down on the amount of time needed in one sitting after a week or so in order to log them.

Monday 2/4 - 58:00 (7.5 miles)

Ran the first mile with the Monday night group at Fleet Feet. Nice and easy. I left the group at that point and finished up the last 6.5 on my own. Felt pretty good. Nothing exciting.

Tuesday 2/5 - 1:52:20 (14 miles)

Went to Shelby Farms in the afternoon to get in a good trail run. What a difference 19 hours can make. I felt like crap. It was 75 degrees and humid. Miserable. Despite the misery, I enjoyed two laps of the Tour de Wolf and then some to round it out. Rushed home afterwards to prepare for the impending Hurricane Bubba tonight.

Is That Garlic I Smell?

The amount of pregnancy books that can be found at any bookseller is absolutely overwhelming. There's a title for every individual who might be or is pregnant. From the essential "What To Expect When You're Expecting" to "How Babies Wreck Your Life - A Loving Parent's Story", it's all there. The idea is to prepare one for any situation that might arise and thus create better parents. There's also the motivation of the author to simply sell books regardless of how pertinent the information is, but that's neither here nor there. The books explain the entire process in great detail. First trimiester, expect A, B, and C; second trimester, expect D, E, and F; and so on. With all this information at your fingerprints, how could there be any surprises? Well, there are surprises. Mine has come in the form of garlic body odor.

Let me begin by pointing out that I do not eat very much garlic nor do I wear it in an attempt to keep approaching vampires at bay. I enjoy the occasional garlic in Itlaian dishes and possibly some garlic butter if Papa John's is in order. Despite my low garlic intake over the years, apparently it has been enough to leave me with a cloud of garlic body odor that cannot be contained. The part I'm having trouble understanding is the fact that the only person who thinks I smell like garlic is my beautiful wife, Stacey. Now, in her defense, maybe my family and friends are trying to keep from hurting my feelings. "Man, did you notice Feb smells like garlic something fierce?" "Yeah, I did. Don't say anything though, he might cry." That's just one potential conversation.

The garlic accusations reached their height when I returned home from a run last week. I had a great run, a comfortable 7 miler through the neighborhoods. The thoughts of fatherhood, music, and a life of simplicity danced through my head as the endorphins made it impossible to keep from smiling. I entered the house from my run to find Stacey relaxing on the couch and watching television. Excited to see her, I approached the couch to give her a kiss on the forehead like all good husbands do. I might have gotten within three feet of her before she shot me the most horrified look of disgust I think I've seen. I smelt like garlic. Not just a clove of garlic, but the whole truckload. I guess the sweat permeated the living room with the pungent smell. "I can beat this" I thought. I rushed to the bathroom and took the most aggressive shower I'd ever taken. We're talking Ultimate Showering Championships here. I even took the time to wash and condition my beard. I decided to scrub until my skin burned or the scrubbie thing dissolved, whichever came first. I exited the shower pround of my efforts and beaming with self confidence. Our fathers have always told us to just do what the pregnant lady says. The books tell husbands to succumb to their wives bizarre cravings and irritants during pregnancy. I decided to get pro-active and trump them all. Show the world that we can do more than just give in, we can address these issues and build a better place to live for everyone...sorry, I was actually saving that for an award acceptance speech. Any award will do for those of you out there with award giving credentials. Back to the garlic. I returned to the living room with my chest puffed out and my chin held high. Now I would not smell of garlic and my wife would again accept me with a loving gaze. There was a pep in my stride as I entered the room. I leaned forward from about six feet out preparing for the kiss to the forehead. I had it dialed. This was gonna be great. As I approached her, something unthinkable happened. My wife looked at me with the very same look of disgust as she had just 30 minutes earlier. How could this happen? I smelt like a mountain spring, not garlic. I was defeated. Humbled. I ate my dinner at the opposite end of the room. Stacey could still smell me.

Since that evening, the garlic smell has come and gone. Fortunately I don't always smell like garlic, just sometimes. I continue my attempts to change the way men approach pregnancy but I think I've come to a sobering conclusion. In the future, when a young man asks me what to do about his wife who's expecting, I'll simply answer, "Do what the pregnant lady says".

Monday, February 4, 2008

A Blog By Any Other Name...Is Still A Blog

I’ve felt motivated to start a blog since I initially set up this site in October of last year. Unfortunately, my motivation stopped at having to actually put my words to screen. How does that happen? For starters, I realized that my life or musings on life couldn’t possibly be interesting to anyone outside of myself and potentially the man sitting in a plush leather chair repeatedly asking “Well, how does that make you feel?”. Honestly it makes me feel like the hourly rate he’s receiving is a bit extravagant considering all he can come up with is “How does that make you feel?”.


Initially I figured this would be a great way to create accountability for my run training. After a lackluster year in 2007 of poor races and a DNF (Did Not Finish for those of you out there who don’t have to deal with ridiculously haunting all CAPS acronyms), I had the idea to announce my training and racing to the world so that I would have someone to answer to. Surely my family and closest friends would read my blog…or not. I began to feel slightly guilty for the self-serving nature of my blog intentions but soon realized “Hey, if not for myself, then for who?”. You know what I’m sayin’? Despite the brilliance of the accountability idea, I simply couldn’t get anything going.


Life Log December 2007…still unmotivated…losing fitness…losing interest in school…have an amazing, beautiful wife…have a wonderful family…have the greatest friends a guy could have…WHAT’S THE PROBLEM?


There was no problem. Just an enormous amount of self-pity and doubt. There are times in life when we go the darkest that it hands us the brightest flashlight that can be had. My flashlight came in the form of the announcement of my wife’s pregnancy. Yeah, that’s right, pregnancy. I know. I nearly threw-up also. Oh, you didn’t feel that way. Must of been something I ate. The idea of fatherhood got me jazzed about things. I mean, come on, a kid. I’m not so naive as to not realize that the sleepless nights, mustard packet diaper explosions, and shrill cries will be a pain in the ass. But I like to think that our little bouncing bundle of joy will make it all worthwhile.


This all brings me to today, February 4,2008. I decided that my blog can serve a twofold purpose. First of all, the blog can serve as a means to communicate to friends and family the process of me becoming a father. I see it as a way to document and remind myself of the amazing life I have. Secondly, it can serve as a forum for me to share my running goals,training, and experiences. There is something incredibly gratifying about talking to others and yourself through the written word.
I look forward to the coming months and am excited about the changes slated to take place in 2008. Thanks for reading and take care of yourselves. I’ll talk to you all soon.